I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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