it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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