I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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