I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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