Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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