She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
