My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
