I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
