i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
