hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
