Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
