I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
