i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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