i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
