Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
