I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
