i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
