I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
