apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
