So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize