he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
