so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
