I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
