it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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