Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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