I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
