i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
