we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
