Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
