fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
