He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
