i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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