My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have started to decorate penises.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
