Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want a musical about memes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize