Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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