Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
