I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
