i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
