One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
