hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
