No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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