I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
