how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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