Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
