Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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