I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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