Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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