She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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