I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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