Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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