your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
