Michael Bay diarrhea
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
