You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
