I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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