hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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