i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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