Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize