All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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