my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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