i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
