I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
