Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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