Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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