the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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