There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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