I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
