P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize