how can u be prego again
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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