Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
