We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
