I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
