who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
