Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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