i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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