i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
