my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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