is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
