Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
