i permit you to call me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
