You're my little dorito
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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