i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
