we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
