if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
