hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
