gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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