Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
