I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
