As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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