she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
