He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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