What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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