it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
