My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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