you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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