Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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