What a fucking waste of an outfit
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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